I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
