I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
