Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
