where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
