i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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