Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
