i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
