WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
