Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
