Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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