So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
