Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
