my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
