You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
