We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize