i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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