She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
