Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
