Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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