Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
