She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
