Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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