That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
