you guys were way drunker than both of me
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
