guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
