Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
