I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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