wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
