I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
