Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
