WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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