I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
