Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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