I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
