is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
