Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
