My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
