My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
