Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
