can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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