shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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