i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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