just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
