I wish my penis had an off switch
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
