Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
