If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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