I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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