When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
