If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
