After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
