so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
