You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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