There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
