Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
