just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
