My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize