At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
