when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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