I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
