YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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