We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
