Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
