Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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