did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
