You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
