I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
