Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
