Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
