I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
