i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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