Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
