Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
