his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
