apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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