census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
