Only a mothe r could love this liver
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize