well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
