Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
