Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
