So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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