i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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