I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
