i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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