Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
