i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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