After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
