I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
