i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
