I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
