Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Your cock deserves a montage
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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