i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
