Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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