I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
